Harry Potter &the Invasion Of Crazy Little Stories
by AppleJuiceMaster
Summary: A few quickly made up stories. Warning: Contains insanity, random stuff and Voldemort in a pink tutu. You have been warned!
1. No nose!

'God, I'm friggin' bored...' Ron complained. 'Yes, yes I know, I KNOW!!!' Harry said, getting quite annoyed of all that complaining. The Red Haired Whiner sighed. 'But I'm so bo-' Harry let out a frustrated yell. 'ARGH! JUST SHUT UP FOR A MOMENT, WILL YOU!!' Ron ran off crying, leaving a happy Harry behind.  
  
~*~  
  
Severus Snape stood in front of his class. 'Potter!' Harry looked up, what did he do this time?!! 'Yes, professor?' 'You know what?' 'What?' Harry asked. Snape smirked. 'Your mother was a moose and your father smelled of Berty Botts Every Flavour Beans!!!' Harry tried to raise an eyebrow, but failed miserably. 'Thank you for letting me know, professor.' 'My pleasure.' Snape continued talking about a Slap-my-ass-Potion.  
  
~*~  
  
Lockhart ran around in circles, his tongue sticking out his mouth, his eyes wide. 'VRRROOOOMM VRRROOOOOOOOOMM TOOT TOOT HERE COMES THE RAINBOW MACHINE!!' Remus looked at Sirius. 'Shall we dance my dear?' So Remus and Sirius are still dancing and Gilderoy is still running around in a circle. There's no plot today, kids, now go and have some cake.  
  
~*~  
  
Voldemort spread his arms. 'Be honest, Lucius... does this tutu make my butt look fat?' He made a pirouette. Lucius looked at Voldemort's ass. 'No, Master... It looks very... nice...' Lucius always had problems looking at The Dark Lord's ass. It was just disgusting and his ass was so many times better... 'All right than. Your hair matches your tutu perfectly. It's the perfect combination, really!' Lucius smirked. Of course it was. Nothing is more perfect than Lucius Malfoy in a pink tutu...  
  
~*~  
  
'I'm scared!' Neville grabbed Ginny's hand. 'It's OK, Nev, don't be scared! It's just a dark, freaky forest with... lots of... big, hairy spiders and... other human-eating things... and monsters... Nothing to be scared of!' Draco laughed. 'Ha! monsters, my ass!!' Suddenly, Draco's arse started laughing evilly. 'HOLY SHIT!! IT'S THE MALFOY BUTT-CRACK MONSTER!!! RUN!!!' Neville and Ginny ran away, leaving Draco and his butt-monster behind.  
  
~*~  
  
Hagrid was walking trough a school hall at night, when he heard someone whispering. 'Psshh! Hey, you there!' Hagrid looked around. 'Who, me??' 'Yes, you!' The voice continued, 'Wanna buy some Sherbet Lemon Drops?' Dumbledore came walking out of one of the shadows, looking stoned. 'Blimey, Sir Dumbledore, Sir!' The HeadMaster looked confused. 'You recognised me??' 'Psh, yeah! I'm not THAT stupid.' 'That's what you think!!' Ludo Bagman took his Albus Dumbledore mask off. 'Fooled ya!' Hagrid stared. Bagman stared back. They stared the whole night at each other, and even the next day, while people were walking trough the hall where they were staring. They stared for the rest of their lives.  
  
~*~  
  
Percy looked around and grinned evilly. Oh, how he loved to do this when no one was around. He looked around again, than begun stuffing his mouth full of pumpkin pies. Oh the joy of pumpkin pies, the wonderful... pumpkiny taste, the delicious... pumpkiny flavour. He tried to swallow, but found out he couldn't, there were too many pumpkin pies in his mouth! He started choking. He became red, blue, purple, green and slowly yellow. Everyone stopped and looked at him, amused. When Percy finally dropped dead, people stole his wallet, watch, Prefect badge, gun, rubber ducks and ran away with their treasure.  
  
********** *************** *********** *********** &^%$%@#@!  
  
~Well that was odd, wasn't it... very, very... Strange...and... random... Oh well!! Hope you enjoyed it a bit! If you did (or if you didn't, who cares?!) please review!!!~ 


	2. That's what you think, sir!

Draco ran to Snape's office, crying. He banged on the door, waited for the 'WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!!' and entered, still sobbing. Snape looked shocked at the sight of a crying Malfoy, but hid it quite well. 'What's wrong?!' Draco's eyes started watering again. 'I... My dad just told me...' He broke into tears again. 'What?? What happened?' Snape asked, trying hard not to lose his patience and handed Draco a pink hanky, who blew his nose in it. 'It's... hard to tell but...' 'Yes...?' Draco swallowed, trying not to cry again. 'An Oompa Loompa raped my kitten...' He started crying again, and ran off. Snape was terribly confused.  
  
~*~  
  
'Do you think I'm fat?' Ron asked, spreading his arms. Hermione looked up from her book. 'Sorry, what did you say?' 'Do you think I'm fat?' Ron repeated. She looked at him. 'Er...no...' 'Don't you lie to me!' Ron pointed a finger to her, accusingly. 'No really! You're not fat! Turn around, then?' Ron slowly turned around, while Hermione was thinking why the hell thin Ron was worrying about being too fat. Then she saw it. She opened her mouth, but couldn't think of anything to say. Ron's ass was... huge!! 'It's bigger than Harry's uncle...' Hermione slowly said, regretting it immediately. Ron began to cry and ran away, but got stuck in the door. Hermione shrugged and walked away, leaving the red haired fat ass behind. No one was able to get into the Gryffindor Common Room ever again.  
  
~*~  
  
Don't you wanna know why we keep startin fires? Its my desire, its my desire! Don't you wanna know how we keep startin' fires? Its my desire, its my desire!!' Gilderoy Lockhart sung to his mirror. 'Danger, Danger...' At that point, he got exploded in millions of pieces. Remus Lupin laughed evilly. 'High Voltage!!!'  
  
~*~  
  
As everyone, Muggle or wizard knew, Oliver Wood loved to wear kilts. It's logical. Scottish, kilt. But Oliver always felt something was missing. Something... he couldn't exactly explain, he didn't know. Always, when he was wearing his kilt, watching Braveheart or talking, he missed something. Something... Scottish.  
  
One day, while practising Quidditch, he was wearing his kilt, (Which was very disturbing for the players who were flying below him, but that's an other story, rated NC-17) Fred Weasley (Or was it George?) laughed and asked him sarcastically if Oliver brought his bagpipes with him, as well. Finally, Oliver knew what he was missing all that time! Bagpipes! He was overcome with joy, kissed Fred (Or George) firmly on the lips, started making out with him while he wasn't gay, but all that didn't matter, he solved the big question in his life!  
  
Oliver asked bagpipes for his birthday. His parents were surprised, but gave them to him anyway. Now, sometimes, late at night, while Gryffindors walk down the stairs when they need to go to the bathroom, they can hear him playing his bagpipes, and, if they're lucky, they can see him dancing the Scottish version of the Hokey Pokey in his kilt.  
  
~*~  
  
Harry slowly breathed out. 'All right, here it comes...' 'Well, hurry up than! I haven't got all bloody day!' Draco commented, slightly nervous. 'OK... now, just... relax... There! It's in, are you alright?' 'Is that all?' Draco asked. 'What?' 'It's not very big is it? I've had bigger ones... In fact, I can't even feel it!' Draco replied, simply. Harry blushed a bit. 'Well, at least it doesn't hurt!' Draco laughed sarcastically. Some time later, while putting his shirt back on, he snorted. 'What's so funny?' Harry asked. 'It didn't hurt... Silly me, I was always so scared of needles.'  
  
********* ******** ********* ************ ************* *********** @$#&@!  
  
~Hm... These were quite a bit longer, and not as random as the other chapter... Hope you liked it a bit anyway... Tell me! Tell me now, or else I'll let Marcus Flint kiss you! You wouldn't like those terrible teeth, now would you? So, review!~ 


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